


Through the Rain

by alovething



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Drama, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-18
Updated: 2005-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alovething/pseuds/alovething
Summary: A tragic event brings Brian and Justin together in an entirely different way. They have one substantially important thing in common, Gus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

"Thanks for dinner guys, that was really nice of you." Justin set down his fork, licking a stray bit of white frosting from the side of his hand. He reached over and tickled Gus's side. 

"Well, it's not every day our favorite babysitter turns twenty-one!" Lindsay exclaimed. Justin blushed slightly and smiled. 

"Happy birthday, baby." Melanie smiled at the blond fondly. 

"Jus'n birthday!" Gus exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Presents!" He cried again, using all his four years of wisdom to realize what the most important thing about Justin turning twenty-one was. It was the presents, of course. 

"Justin's presents are at home, sweetie." Lindsay wiped Gus's face as Melanie went to pay the bill. "We're going home now so he can open them." 

"Presents! Jus'n share!" Gus demanded, causing Justin to smile radiantly. 

"Of course Gus man! Now let's get you out to the car." Justin picked Gus up and ran through the restaurant, holding Gus out in front of him. Gus squealed with glee and held his arms out like a superhero as Justin made airplane noises. The restaurant's patrons smiled at their antics, the love between them rolling off of them in waves. 

Justin made sure Gus was securely fastened into his car seat before sliding into the backseat next to him. Mel slipped into the driver's seat and Lindsay took the passenger seat. Just as Mel started up the car, it began to rain. The water beat down on the roof of the car, traveling down the windows in rivets. 

Justin looked over at the precious cargo strapped to his seat and smiled. Gus’s large hazel eyes drooped shut and he shook his head in a futile effort to stay awake. Justin studied Gus’s features as the night cast shadows over him. He had warm chestnut hair and a slightly tan complexion. Justin had sketchbooks overflowing with pictures of Gus, his favorite model. Justin was told he was the spitting image of his father, who he had yet to meet. He had seen pictures of the beautiful man, though. 

“When does Brian get back in town?” Justin asked sleepily. 

“He actually got back a few days ago,” Lindsay replied. “Why?” 

“I just want to meet the man that helped create such a wonderful kid.” Lindsay turned and smiled at him. 

“I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough. I took Gus to see him yesterday. You should have seen his face. Brian is so in love.” 

“Who wouldn’t love this little guy?” Justin asked, taking Gus’s hand in his own. He rested against the seat and watched as Gus finally succumbed to sleep. The car ride, soft music, and the sound of the rain on the metal roof was enough to cause Justin to drift off as well, one hand still clasped over Gus’s.

Justin was woken up by the screeching of brakes. He sat up groggily just in time to see the headlights reflecting off of a cement wall. He heard a pair of screams rip through his eardrums. Before he was awake enough to comprehend what was going on, pain ripped through him and blackness consumed him once more.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Justin opened his eyes, shaking his head to clear his blurry vision. His head throbbed in protest of the action. He brought his hand to his forehead and quickly pulled it away when it became coated in something warm and sticky. He held it out and squinted at it. It was blood.

His breath caught in his throat. The car was eerily illuminated from the headlights bouncing back off of the wall. What he had remembered after waking up flashed before his eyes and he closed them again, afraid of what he might see. He was vaguely aware that it was no longer raining.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

A scream emanated from Gus’s lips and suddenly Justin was fully alert. He sat up and opened his eyes once more. He was greeted with a vision of Melanie. Her head was crushed against the steering wheel. Blood ran down her face and her eyes stared back at him. Cold, lifeless, dead.

It was Justin’s turn to scream.

He dared a look over at Lindsay, and instantly regretted the action. At least her eyes were closed. The side of her head was smashed against the glass window. The glass was broken, cracking outwards in a spider web fashion. Her blood stained the glass, her life drizzling down, mixing with the droplets of rainwater. The dashboard was smashed into her chest, cutting into her. Blood stained her soft pink sweater. Lindsay was dead. Melanie was dead.

Justin couldn’t even begin to fathom what that meant. He sat there, motionless, emotionless, catatonic.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Gus had his face buried in his little hands, his tiny body shaking with sobs. The smell of gasoline wafted to Justin’s nostrils and brought him back to life. He unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to open the door. It wouldn’t budge. He saw smoke billowing up from the hood and his actions became frantic. 

They had to get out of there, fast.

He got up on his knees on the seat and slammed his shoulder into the glass window. It cracked a tiny bit. Gus’s sobs grew louder.

Justin stuck his hands under the seats, trying to find something, anything to break the glass. He came up short. He flung himself back against the seat and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. He let out a frustrated sob.

_Drip. Drip.Drip._

Justin got back onto his knees and slammed his shoulder into the glass over and over. He felt the shards tear at his skin, releasing more blood from his veins. He felt it flow down his arm, soaking his sleeve. He slammed against the glass once more and it finally gave away. He kicked away almost all the glass and wasted no time. He turned to the sobbing toddler, the most important person in his life.

“Gus, we need to get out of here,” Justin told him as calmly as he could. He worked to unbuckle the child seat as Gus squirmed around. Justin searched for signs of physical injury, but saw none.

“Mommy!” Gus screamed, tears streaming down his red face. He reached towards the front seat where his mothers lay dead. Justin felt his heart clench and his throat constrict. He grabbed Gus and carefully maneuvered him out the broken window. He leaned over and set Gus down on the ground. It was littered with bits of glass and pebbles. The glass cut into his stomach as he leaned out the window.

“Don’t move.” Gus stood stock-still as Justin climbed through the small hole, lined with jagged glass. He rolled out and landed on his back, gritting his teeth from the pain. When he looked up, Gus was pulling on the handle to Lindsay’s door. Justin scooped him up and ran from the car as fast as his battered body would carry him.

“Jus’n! What about Mommy? And Mama?” Justin couldn’t think of anything he could possibly tell the boy. His mothers were dead, and completely trapped in a car that was about to catch fire. There was no way he could explain what was going on to Gus, so he just clutched him tighter as he ran, soaking Gus’s clothes in his own blood. Gus pounded his little fists against Justin’s chest in protest. “Jus’n stop! We have to get my mommies! _Stop!_ Jus’n please!”

“We can’t!” Justin screamed. “We can’t, Gus.” He kept running, tears blurring his vision. Once they were a safe distance away from the car, Justin dropped to the curb. The rain started up again, coming down fiercely. It soaked their bodies, mixing with Justin’s blood. He started to feel dizzy and lightheaded, but fought the feeling away.

Suddenly, the car burst into flames. Justin buried Gus’s face against his chest, protecting him from the sight. Justin watched in pure horror. The two people he had loved more than anything, the only people that loved him unconditionally, were dead. The precious little boy shivering in his arms had just lost his parents. Everything was falling apart. It was his twenty-first birthday, and the end of life as he knew it.

His heart broke, piece by piece, bit by bit. He sobbed with Gus, rocking him back and forth. He was overwhelmed by pain, heartache, misery, grief, and anger. Why were those two amazing people taken away? Why do this to Gus? Why do this to him?

He felt himself grow weak as more blood was drained from his lithe body. He clutched Gus even tighter. He couldn’t begin to imagine what the tiny little boy was feeling. He was screaming and crying and clutching to Justin for dear life. The rain beat down on them relentlessly, pounding on their heads, matting down their hair. Justin’s teeth chattered together as he wrapped his body around Gus’s, trying to keep him warm. 

He vaguely heard the sound of the sound of sirens through their mixed sobs.


	2. Through the Rain

Justin saw bright flashes of red and blue through his eyelids, and slowly let them flutter open. He felt so weak, so drained. A blonde paramedic was running towards them, concern spreading over her features. She looked like Lindsay. Justin blinked, choking back another sob.

“Were you the only ones in the vehicle?” She asked Justin, shining her flashlight over them, illuminating the pouring rain. Justin winced and shook his head.

“Two more. They’re dead.” Even saying it, Justin didn’t believe it. They couldn’t be. She nodded grimly.

“You guys look pretty bad. You were lucky to get out.” The paramedic motioned for assistance and turned back to Justin.

“It’s mostly me. He doesn’t look like he’s hurt physically.” Gus was whimpering into Justin’s shoulder, his body still shaking with tremors. 

“I’ll take him and get him checked out while someone looks you over.” The paramedic slipped her hands around Gus’s waist and tried to pull him away from Justin. The boy let out a scream of terror and grabbed onto Justin’s hair. He yelped in pain and surprise. 

“Gus, you need to go with the nice lady so she can make sure you’re alright,” Justin said softly, smoothing his hands down Gus’s back.

“No! No, no, no! I’m not leaving Jus’n! No!” Gus screamed, shaking his head back and forth. He wouldn’t remove his face from Justin’s neck, and he could feel Gus’s hot tears soaking his skin. Justin’s features hardened.

“I’m going where he goes,” Justin said adamantly.

“Sir, you have lost so much blood. It’s amazing you’re still conscious. You need serious medical attention.”

“Then Gus is coming with me.”

“Is there anyone else close to the boy that we could call? They could come to the scene and take care of Gus while we treat you.” Justin furrowed his brows thoughtfully. Whoever they called would find out Mel and Linds were dead. He didn’t know who to call. Only one name came to mind.

“You can call his father. Brian Kinney.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian sat at his computer, eyes red and scratchy from too many hours in front of the glowing monitor. All the campaigns started to blur together, swirls of colors and slogans. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes.

“There’s no rest for the wicked,” he muttered to himself. He spun around in his chair, letting his eyes sweep over the loft. He hated to admit it, but he had missed Pittsburgh. Six months in New York City to help organize and establish a new branch for their firm had seemed like a dream, but it wasn’t where he belonged.

He got out of his chair and padded across the hardwood floor, enjoying the feel of it under his bare feet. He absently rubbed his stomach. He felt uneasy, on edge, and he had no clue why.

He leaned against the counter and poured himself a glass of Beam. One gulp flooded his mouth and burned its way down his throat. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and jumped when the phone rang.

He looked over at the offending object, suddenly afraid of it. He strode over to it and picked it up apprehensively.

“Hello?” He asked gruffly. __

_“Mr. Kinney?”_ A delicate female voice asked. Brian’s heart sped up.

“Yes?” __

_“My name is Ashley Connelly. I’m a paramedic for the Pittsburgh Fire Department. I’m afraid I have some bad news.”_ Brian gripped the edge of the counter and gulped. He heard rain pouring down in the background, as well as sirens and shouts.

“What is it?” __

_“There has been an accident. Your friends Melanie Marcus and Lindsay Peterson were traveling with your son and a family friend, Justin Taylor.”_ Brian felt tears spring to his eyes. He knew what was coming, and he didn’t think he could handle it. _“The rain made conditions on the back road they were traveling on very dangerous. They spun out and collided with the center divider head on at high speed. Ms. Marcus and Ms. Peterson didn’t make it. I’m so sorry, sir.”_

Brian slid to the floor, his bare back burning with the friction as it slid along the wood. Tears flowed down his cheeks and the phone slipped from his hand. Lindsay couldn’t be gone. Not his best friend, not the mother of his child. His child. She hadn’t said anything about Gus. He scrambled for the phone and brought it back to his ear.

“What about Gus? Is Gus ok?” __

_“Gus seems fine physically, Mr. Kinney. Mr. Taylor took most of the damage, but he got Gus out of the vehicle safely before it caught fire.”_ Mr. Taylor? Who the fuck was Mr. Taylor?

“Who is Mr. Taylor?” __

_“He says he was a good friend of the deceased, sir. He is Gus’s babysitter. Gus won’t leave his side. We need to treat Mr. Taylor. He has lost a dangerous amount of blood and it is very important that we get him to the hospital as soon as we can. Gus won’t let go of him. I want to know if you can come to the scene and try to calm Gus and take over with him so we can treat Mr. Taylor.”_

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Tell me where to go.” Brian was already up and getting dressed. He pushed his pain to the back of his mind for now, a well-developed trick. His son needed him now, and that was all that mattered.

The paramedic gave him directions and he pulled on his long coat as he ran out the door. Once he was sitting in the driver’s seat of his jeep, he let himself go. Sobs ripped through his lips and he slammed his hands against the steering wheel. The pain overtaking him was like nothing he had ever experienced. Lindsay was always a constant in his life. Always there, never questioning, always loving him. She was his best friend, his mentor, his student, and a significant part of his life. He couldn’t imagine life without her. 

He screamed, letting out his anger and frustration. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands. He put the key in the ignition with shaky fingers and drove off, towards his son.

He turned onto Bell Road, inching along in the rain. He saw blue and red lights, a dark omen of what lie ahead. He saw Mel and Lind’s station wagon smashed into the cement divider. The hood was smashed back to the windshield. Firefighters were at the door, trying to pry it open. Brian pulled over, sobs overcoming his body once more. 

Melanie and Lindsay were in there, dead. Brian turned off the car and hit the steering wheel again. He closed his eyes and opened them again when he no longer heard rain on the roof of his car. He opened his aching hazel eyes again. The rain had stopped.

He got out of his car and walked towards the ambulance, walking in a wide circle to avoid the wrecked hunk of metal housing the dead bodies of two of his best friends. He and Mel had never really gotten along, but he never expected her to die. It stung him just as bad.

He rounded the ambulance and saw a young blonde boy cradling his Gus. They were sitting on the sidewalk, soaked to the bone. As he approached he saw the vast amount of blood staining their bodies. He was soaked in it. Gus was soaked in it. Brian felt himself go pale. 

He clutched the side of the ambulance to keep himself steady. He felt sick to his stomach and swallowed back the bile that was rising in his throat. A young blonde paramedic walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Mr. Kinney?” He recognized her timid voice from the phone.

“Ms. Connelly. Tell me what to do.” Brian pleaded. His mind was fogged, clouded with distress. The paramedic led him over to the two figures huddled together. 

“Justin, Mr. Kinney is here.” The blond looked up and Brian found himself staring into the biggest, bluest, saddest eyes he had ever seen. They were glazed over with pain, and his already alabaster skin was frighteningly pale.

“Brian? I’m sorry we couldn’t meet under better circumstances.” Brian meekly nodded his head.

“There’s so much blood. Is any of it Gus’s?” 

“No,” Justin shook his head and wavered as he grew closer to losing consciousness. “It’s all mine.”

“You need to get to the hospital.” Brian dropped to his knees and placed his hand on Gus’s back. “He’s shaking so much.”

“He’s in shock, Mr. Kinney,” the paramedic explained. “We can only get a response out of him if we try to remove him from Mr. Taylor.”

“Gus,” Justin nudged the boy’s forehead with his chin. “Gus, your daddy is here. Can you go with your daddy so the doctor can take care of me?” Brian tried to lift his son from the blonde’s lap. Gus screamed in protest and scrambled into Justin’s lap. He blanched from the pain. Brian noticed most of the blood seemed to be coming from his stomach.

“Gus, listen to me,” Brian whispered to him soothingly. “Justin is really hurt, and he needs to go to the doctor. We’ll ride with him to the hospital, but you need to let go of him so the doctors can fix him up. I’m here, Gus. Can I hold you so they can fix Justin?” The frightened boy looked up into a matching pair of hazel eyes.

“Jus’n broken?” He asked softly.

“Yes Gussy, Justin is broken.” Brian replied. He glanced up at Justin and noticed he looked very out of it. He found himself feeling very protective of the young man that had saved his son’s life. “But if you come with me, the doctors will fix Justin. Ok?” The toddler nodded and loosened his grip from Justin’s battered body. He held his arms out to his father, who quickly gathered him into his strong arms. His skin was freezing to the touch, and Justin’s blood stained Brian’s clothing.

As soon as Gus was out of his grasp, Justin fainted. His body slumped over and his eyes rolled back in his head. Ashley and three other paramedics worked to put him on a stretcher, shouting orders to each other. Brian grew even more worried as he saw Justin lose consciousness. They rolled him towards the ambulance and Brian followed, Gus’s face buried in his neck.

“We’re going with you. I don’t want to hear any arguments,” Brian stated strongly. The paramedics nodded and lifted Justin into the ambulance. Brian dared a glance over at the mangled car. They had cut off the passenger side door, and he spotted a body bag on the ground near the car. He swallowed hard and climbed into the ambulance, feeling a need to protect this man his son was so attached to.


	3. Through the Rain

Brian bit down on his bottom lip as he stared at the man strapped to the stretcher in the ambulance. The vehicle bounced along, sirens roaring. There was so much blood that Brian felt sick. Justin’s skin was paper white, contrasting with the deep red liquid. 

The female paramedic cut his shirt open and pulled the material away, exposing the large gashes on his stomach where the jagged glass had pierced his flesh. Gus was still nestled against Brian’s chest, shaking like a leaf in the wind. Brian soothingly stroked his hair with long, elegant fingers, his eyes never leaving the train wreck in front of him. 

"Is he going to be alright?" Brian asked worriedly. The paramedic met his gaze with a panicked expression before quickly returning to Justin, never committing to an answer. That worried Brian even more. 

In what seemed like an eternity later, they arrived at the hospital. The doors to the vehicle flew open and Justin was quickly extracted and rolled towards the large double doors of the emergency room. Brian exited after them, Gus firmly in his arms. 

"What have we got?" An older doctor asked the paramedics. 

"Male, age 21, car accident. Multiple abrasions and puncture wounds to the abdomen and right shoulder. Abrasion to the right temple, possible head injury." 

"Set him up in trauma two,” the doctor ordered the ER nurses. The blonde paramedic stopped at the double doors and turned back to the broken man, clinging to his shocked child. The double doors behind her slammed shut with a resounding boom. She approached him slowly, saddened by the distant look in his eyes. 

He felt like he was in an episode of ER. He hated that show, hated hospital dramas. He always changed the channel. There was no remote in his hand now. This was real life. There’s no power button in real life. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"Mr. Kinney?" It took Brian a few seconds to realize someone was speaking to him. He looked down at the young paramedic, her forlorn expression making her look so young. He raised his eyebrows in response. "I’ll take you to get Gus checked out." 

The paramedic led them through the double doors and Gus mewled into Brian’s ear from all the hustle and bustle in the busy emergency room. She led them into an empty room and Brian sat on the bed, still clutching Gus. 

"A doctor will be right with you," she said softly. "It looks ok for Justin, he just lost a lot of blood and almost crashed. Once they replenish the lost blood and close up the wounds he should be fine." Brian nodded his thanks and the paramedic left the room with a sad smile. 

Brian looked around the small, sterile room, then down at the small boy in his arms, unresponsive to the world around him. Brian didn’t like being alone. When he was alone, he could think about what had just happened. 

He didn’t like that one bit. 

He didn’t want to think about what happened. He didn’t want to think about Lindsay being dead. He didn’t want to think about the boy covered in blood in the next room. No, not a boy. He was twenty-one, but he looked so young. 

It was then he realized Gus was still soaking wet. He took the boys clothes off gently, leaving him in a pair of tiny little tighty whities. He took the blanket from the hospital bed and wrapped Gus in it tightly and cradled him like an infant. Gus looked up at Brian with wide hazel eyes, filled with fear, and even worse, confusion. The question was dancing in his eyes. 

_‘No Gus, not now. Please don’t ask. Please.’_

“Daddy?” 

_‘No, Gus. Don’t say it. Don’t ask.’_ “Yes?” 

“Where are my mommies?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin came to, lying on a small metal table. Doctors were running all around him, shouting orders he couldn’t fully make out. Pain soared through him and his eyelashes fluttered open and closed as his fought to stay conscious. __

_“Tell them I need it now! This kid is bleeding out. I need that order now. He is not going to die on my table!”_

Justin faintly heard frantic beeping before blackness overtook him once more.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tears brimmed Brian’s swollen hazel eyes, clinging to his long eyelashes. His heart clenched in his chest and his grip on Gus tightened. He searched for an acceptable answer. Acceptable answer? What acceptable answer? This was a four-year-old boy. A little boy that has just lost his mommies and watched another person he seemed to care for deeply nearly bleed to death. What kind of answer could he possibly give him?

“Gus,” he croaked out, squinting his eyes against the tears. He pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand again. Suddenly, a doctor strode into the room, taking in the situation. 

“So I hear Gus was involved in the same automobile accident as my patient in trauma two. How were you involved?” The doctor pulled on a pair of latex gloves as he spoke.

“I’m Gus’s father. A paramedic called me from the scene because Gus wouldn’t let go of Justin. I rode here in the ambulance.”

“I see. Well let’s take a look at him.” The doctor walked over towards father and son and Gus whimpered against Brian’s neck, trying to crawl inside Brian and hide. 

“Gussy, it’s ok. The doctor wants to look at you to make sure you aren’t broken like Justin, ok? Daddy will be right here.” Gus looked up at him with trusting eyes and nodded slightly. Brian unwrapped Gus like a precious artifact and sat him down on his lap, facing the doctor. The doctor smiled warmly at him and extended his hand.

“Hi Gus. I’m Dr. Matthews. I’m just going to check you over and make sure you aren’t hurt, ok?” Gus nodded his head shyly and shook the doctor’s hand. He looked up at his father, who gave him a reassuring smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Let’s get this transfusion going, Suze. He isn’t going to wait much longer.” The nurses hooked Justin up to various machines and tubes. Soon blood was being pumped back into his pale, cold body. The black stitches stood out grotesquely, strawberry red gashes marring his porcelain skin. His eyelashes fluttered but he remained unconscious.

“Think he’s gonna make it?”

“I hope so. It’d be a crying shame if he didn’t.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Dr. Matthews gave Gus a quick once over, checking for any signs of a concussion or internal bleeding. He seemed fine physically, but he was incredibly shaken up. Brian kept both his hands on Gus’s tiny hips as the doctor examined him, reassuring the boy that he was there. Gus was surprisingly calm, following every direction the doctor gave him with no questions.

“Well Mr. Kinney, Gus has no physical injuries. It doesn’t look he hit his head or anything. There is some minor bruising across his chest here from where the force of the blow slammed him against the car seat restraint. The car seat did his job and kept him safe.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Brian wrapped Gus up in the blanket again and the boy resumed his prior position against his father’s warm chest. “How is Justin?”

“He lost a great deal of blood. We’ve stitched up his wounds and started him on a blood transfusion. He’s currently unconscious but we have every hope that he will make a full recovery.” Brian nodded and rubbed Gus’s back. “You’re free to take Gus home, but I assume you want to stay and wait for news on Mr. Taylor’s condition.”

“Thank you, doctor. I think we’ll stay.”

“Ok, just have a seat in the waiting room and I’ll send someone out with any news we receive.” Brian nodded and shook the doctors hand. He watched him leave and gathered Gus up in his arms. He stood and walked to the waiting room, settling down in a chair in the corner. 

After about twenty minutes, Gus was fast asleep against Brian’s chest. His breath was hot against Brian’s neck. He felt tears threatening to fall again, and shut his eyes hard. He couldn’t be alone to think right now. Gus needed new clothes. He looked down and gasped at the sight. He had completely forgotten his white shirt was stained in Justin’s blood. He needed new clothes, too. Most of all, he needed a friend.

Brian kept one arm around Gus and took his cell phone from the pocket of his coat. He flipped it open and dialed a familiar number with one hand, clearing his throat. He brought the phone to his ear and listened to the incessant ringing. Finally, a male voice answered.

“Hey Mikey? It’s Brian. I need you to sit down.”


	4. Through the Rain

“Are you sitting down?” Brian asked. He searched himself for the proper way to explain the situation while confirming that Gus was still asleep. He absently stroked his son’s hair and took a deep breath, emotions welling up at the surface. __

_“Brian? What’s going on? You’re scaring me.”_ Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and felt another hot tear travel down his cheek. He let out a shuddering sigh. _“Brian?”_

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Mikey. Something bad has happened, really bad.” Brian thought he could stay strong and get through the phone call, but as he talked about it, his breaths grew shorter and faster. His vision grew blurry and his lips quivered as he tried to keep his emotions in check. __

_“Brian? Tell me.”_ Michael was really scared now. He could hear the pain in Brian’s voice. He felt his heart thump against his chest and he clutched the phone tighter. 

“Mikey. There was an accident. I’m at the hospital. Mel and Linds,” he paused, sniffling and taking a deep breath. “Mel and Linds are dead.”

There, he said it. He admitted it out loud. It didn’t feel any more possible, any more real. The line on the other end was silent for a long time. __

_“Dead? I can’t believe it.”_ His voice was soft, tinged with sorrow. Brian let out a sob before he could stop himself. _“Where’s Gus? Is he alright?”_

“Yeah, Gus was in the car with them. Poor kid.” Brian looked down at the precious bundle in his arms; his tousled chestnut hair was all that was visible. The rest of his body was enveloped in sky blue fleece, his angelic face buried in Brian’s neck. “But he’s alright, physically. He’s asleep on my lap right now. Can you please just bring us some clothes? Gus needs some clothes.” __

_“Of course. I don’t have a key to Mel and Linds’s, though.”_

“Don’t go there. Can you just pick some stuff up from the Big Q and I’ll reimburse you when you get here?” He closed his eyes and furrowed his brows as he thought over all they would need. “Get some pajamas for Gus. I want him to be comfortable. Just like, some little flannel pants and a tee shirt. And, um, some socks. And a sweatshirt.” He paused and sighed again. “And get me a pack of those white v-neck tees.” He looked down at the crimson blood staining his white shirt. There was so much on him, just from Gus’s clothes. He had thrown Gus’s clothes away in the hospital room. They were ruined, soaked in blood. __

_“Anything else?”_ Brian imagined Michael standing there, taking down all the items he was listing off on one of Ben’s legal pads, despite the pain he must be feeling. Knowing that there was someone out there that cared for him so much almost made him smile.

Justin. Justin would need new clothes when he woke up.

“Yeah. Get another pack of those tees in small. And some sweats and socks.” __

_“What are those for?”_

“Justin, he’s-“ __

_“Fuck, Justin was in the car, too?”_

“Yeah. You know Justin?” __

_“Yeah, the girls hired him as a nanny of sorts for Gus awhile back. He’s been coming to Sunday dinners. He’s a good kid. Is he alright?”_

“They seem to think he will be. He almost bled to death. He saved Gus. The car was going to catch on fire and he tore the shit out of himself to save Gus. I owe him everything.” Brian clutched Gus tighter as his tears slipped down his cheeks, coating the cell phone in the salty moisture. __

_“I’ll be there as soon as I can, Brian. What hospital are you at?”_

“Allegheny General.” __

_“Ok, I’ll be right there.”_ Brian flipped the phone closed and slipped it back into his pocket. He wrapped his other arm around Gus and rocked back and forth in the hard plastic chair, tears staining the blanket. 

Gus would wake up soon. And he’ll ask for his mothers again. _‘What the fuck am I going to do?’_

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin’s eyelids fluttered again, this time staying open. He looked around the room, his vision still blurred. He felt dizzy and nauseas. His body was on fire and he smacked his lips from the disgusting taste in his mouth.

“Hey there,” a soft female voice whispered. “You’re awake. Do you know where you are?”

“Hospital,” Justin managed to croak out. It hurt to talk, and that one word seemed to exhaust him even more than he already was.

“Good. Can you tell me your name?”

“Justin Taylor.” His words were a little slurred, the nurse noted. But that was just due to the medication in his system.

“The year?” Suddenly there was a bright light in his eye, and a brunette nurse loomed over him. 

“2005.” 

“Who’s the president?” The light switched to the other eye.

“George fucking Bush,” he responded blandly. The nurse giggled and clicked off the light. Justin immediately let his eyes close, his sore body begging him to go back to sleep.

“You seem alright. How do you feel?”

“Probably as bad as I look.” The nurse chuckled and Justin felt himself slipping away from consciousness again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael walked through the aisles of the familiar Big Q in a daze. Mel and Linds couldn’t really be dead, could they? He was supposed to go over there with Ben for dinner the next night. Thank god Ben was asleep. He didn’t think he could tell anyone the news he’d just received.

He wandered into the boy’s section and picked out some plain warm pajamas for Gus, tossing them along with a pair of socks into the basket he was clutching in his left hand. 

He looked down at the list in his hand. Sweater. He put a fluffy blue sweater in the basket. He walked along the aisles in a daze, on autopilot. Images of Melanie and Lindsay flashed before his eyes. Talking, laughing, smiling. 

Dead? Michael shook his head before moving on to the men’s section. He tossed Brian’s tees into the basket, along with clothes for Justin. 

Justin. The poor kid thought he had finally found happiness, but now. Now it was all gone again.

Michael hadn’t realized he had been crying until he looked up and saw an elderly woman looking at him with motherly concern. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and gave her a weak smile before continuing down the aisle.

~~~~~~~~~~

__  
“Who would have thought…you and me…parents?”

_“Pretty scary boys and girls.”_

Brian’s eyes snapped open and he wiped them with the palm of his hand, disposing of the tears. He looked down at Gus. That’s when he remembered he had signed his rights away. What would happen to Gus? 

As if on cue, Gus opened his sleepy hazel eyes and stared up at his father. He smiled, but the gorgeous little smile quickly disappeared when he saw the tears staining his father’s cheeks. He wormed his arm out of the blanket and wiped the tears away, concern flooding his features.

“Dada sad?” He asked, still cupping his father’s cheek. Brian took the little hand in his own and squeezed it. He swallowed back another sob and gave the boy a little smile.

“Yes, Daddy is sad.”

“I’m sorry, Dada.” Gus perked up and looked around the unfamiliar space, scrunching his nose up in confusion. “Where are we? Where are my mommies?”

There it was again, the question. Brian knew he had to tell him. But how? Not in front of all these people. He bundled Gus back up in the blanket and took him outside. He sat them down on a bench in a quiet little alcove, hidden from the world.

“Gus, I have something I need to tell you,” Brian said softly. He looked down at Gus. The boy was sitting on his knee looking up at him, the blue blanket wrapped around head, the little face so much like Brian’s sticking out. His large hazel eyes were staring up at him curiously. It was almost too much to bear.

“What is it Dada?”

“Gus, your mommies are gone.” There, he said it. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them, Gus was still staring at him.

“Gone where?” The boy started squirming around on Brian’s lap, looking all around, as if his moms were just hiding. Brian sighed, feeling his heart clench once more.

“Gus, I wish it weren’t true, but they died.” Brian watched confusion arise in his precious son’s eyes, and it hurt him even more.

“They died?” Brian nodded and held Gus tighter. “But I had a goldfish named Zippy, and it mommy told me it died. Zippy never came back. Mommy and Mama are coming back right?” 

Gus’s eyes were so hopeful. He wanted something Brian couldn’t give him. He wanted his mommies. Brian felt more tears slip from his already sore eyes. A sob escaped his lips, a noise somewhere between a choke and a scream. Gus’s eyes began to water at this point, his face showing signs of panic. He tugged at the lapels of Brian’s coat as the tears brimming his eyes cascaded down his cheeks.

“Daddy!” He tugged on Brian’s coat hard enough to make Brian look at him. “When are they coming back?”

“They aren’t coming back, Gus. They’re gone.” Gus searched his father’s eyes, taking in the tears, the pain. He never saw that in his father’s eyes. It scared him. He looked down and noticed the blood staining Brian’s shirt, dried and cracking. Gus shut his eyes. __

_“Gus, we need to get out of here now!”_

He opened his eyes. His father was still crying, the blood was still on his shirt. He hopped off of Brian’s lap, the blanket still wrapped around him. He got a whole three steps away before long, strong arms encircled his tiny frame. He cried out in protest and squirmed, trying to elude Brian’s strong grasp.

“No! Let me go!” Gus screamed. He kicked at Brian, his little foot hitting him right in the groin. Brian blanched from the pain, but didn’t loosen his hold on Gus. “Let me go! I’m going to go find them!”

“Gus, stop it!” Brian yelled. “They’re gone, Gus. Listen to me.” Gus stopped punching at Brian’s chest and looked up at him. His eyes were already puffy and red from the amount of tears spilling from them. One look at Gus’s distraught face broke Brian’s heart even more.

“They’re really gone?” Brian nodded. “They aren’t coming back?” Brian shook his head, incapable of forming words. Gus began to sob into Brian’s neck, clutching to his father for dear life. Brian cried into Gus’s fine, baby soft hair. He rocked his son back and forth, both of them sobbing for love and life lost.

* * *

**AN:** Thanks to everyone for sticking with me through this chapter, especially Kami for threatening to take my title of cool away unless I finished it.


	5. Through the Rain

_  
“There was even a time right after we met that I thought this could be the reality. Did you ever think that?”_

_“No. Well, you wanted me to be serious. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”_

Brian opened his eyes, tears dried on his eyelashes, fused to his skin. He didn’t think they’d ever go away. He looked down at Gus. He had cried himself to sleep, and Brian felt Gus’s wet sorrow in the hollow of his collarbone, where his tears had gathered. He sighed and stood up, the cold air proving to be too much. He carried Gus back into the hospital, his body shivering from the dual temperatures.

He lowered himself back into his chair in the corner, cradling Gus like the precious cargo he was against his strong chest. He looked up in time to see two figures moving towards him. He blinked away the haze in his eyes and saw that it was Michael, eyes and cheeks stained red, clutching a Big Q bag in his hands. The other figure was a female nurse, striding alongside Michael, her face emotionless, unreadable. 

“Brian,” Michael whispered once he reached his best friend. “This nurse has information about Justin.” Brian perked up as much as he could without jostling Gus, showing he was all ears.

“Mr. Kinney, we have every reason to believe Justin will be just fine. The transfusion went off without a hitch and his body seems to be accepting the blood well. He had a lot of deep cuts that we had to stitch up. He’s asleep now, but when he wakes up I’ll come see if you’re still here.”

“Thank you,” Brian said genuinely, feeling a small sense of relief in knowing the blond would be all right. “I’ll be here.” The nurse gave him a small smiling before bowing her head a little and returning to her duties. Michael sat down in the empty chair next to Brian and looked at him apprehensively. Neither knew how to breech the situation, so they just stared at each other for a long moment. 

Michael took in Brian’s haggard appearance. His chestnut hair, matted and mangled from the rain. His red, swollen eyes and trembling lips. And the blood. There was so much of it, staining his skin, his clothes. It terrified him to see Brian covered in blood, even though he knew it wasn’t his. Tears spilled over his eyes once more and Brian reached out with one long arm and pulled Michael close, resting his forehead against his best friend’s in a familiar embrace. Neither man spoke a word. They just cried together, mourning. After a few long moments, they pulled apart and wiped their faces. 

“I guess we should get changed,” Brian muttered, motioning to Gus. Michael nodded and both men stood up, Brian clutching Gus, and Michael holding the bag. They walked into the men’s room and Brian looked down at the sleeping bundle in his arms. “I told him.”

“Oh no,” Michael said softly. “How did he take it?”

“Better than I expected. I hate to wake him, but I need to get some clothes on him.” Michael nodded and Brian gently shook Gus’s back. “Sonny Boy, wake up. Let’ s get you into some pajamas.”

Gus looked up at Brian with sad, sleepy eyes. He nodded and Brian set him down on the counter, unwrapping the little boy from his fleece cocoon. The blue material had spots of coppery blood on it, and Brian stuffed it into the trashcan. He wetted a paper towel with warm water and cleaned Gus as well as he could. Brian’s heart clenched as he wiped blood from the boy’s tiny frame. Gus stood lifelessly, his eyes trained on the ground.

Brian tossed the soiled paper into the trash and dressed Gus in his new pajamas. “Are you cold, Gus?” The little boy looked up at his father with empty hazel eyes and nodded. “Lift up your arms.” Gus did so and Brian slid the sweater over his body. “Want uncle Mikey to hold you while I get changed?” 

Gus looked up at Michael with surprised eyes, as if he just now realized the man was standing there. Michael uncrossed his arms and managed to give the boy a small smile. Gus looked to his father’s face and then down at his bloody clothing, cringing a little from the sight of it. He turned back towards Michael and held out his arms. The shorter man scooped him up and cradled him against his chest, kissing the top of his downy head. Brian gave him a grateful smile.

Brian slipped his leather jacket from his shoulders and tossed it on the counter. He pulled his white tee from his lean frame and stuffed it in the trash along with the other bloody reminders of this night. He looked in the mirror and gasped when he saw how badly the blood has stained his skin. This stranger’s blood had penetrated his golden flesh, dying him with memories of the experience. He tore paper towels from the holder and ran them under scalding water. He scrubbed ferociously, tears welling up in his eyes again. No matter what he did, the blood was there.

Michael reached out and flattened his hand against the smooth, cool expanse of Brian’s back. The taller man stilled his frantic movements and looked up to meet his gaze in the mirror. This calmed him and he turned off the sink, tossing the pink towels in the trash. He ripped open the tee shirts and pulled one over his head. He shoved everything back into the bag and took Gus back into his arms. 

“Gussy, guess what?” Brian asked softly. The boy said nothing, but looked up to meet his father’s eyes. “The doctors fixed Justin. He’s going to be fine.” Something like relief flickered in the boy’s eyes.  
“Can we see him?” Gus’s voice was so soft that Brian had to strain to hear him. 

“He’s sleeping right now. The medicines made him tired. I just wanted to tell you he was going to be ok, because I figured you would want to know the news. We can see him as soon as he is awake, ok?” 

“Ok, Daddy.” Brian smiled a little, and to his surprise, Gus returned it weakly. He rubbed his nose against Gus’s before letting the boy snuggle back against his now clean chest. Michael watched the gentle interaction between father and son. He grabbed the bag holding the remaining items of clothing and followed Brian out of the restroom. 

Once back in the waiting room, they chose a bank of chairs away from where so many tears were shed. Gus quickly fell back asleep against Brian’s chest, emotional and physical exhaustion overcoming his tiny body. Brian looked over at Michael.

“I’m surprised Ben didn’t come with you.”

“I didn’t tell him.” Brian looked over at his friend, shock written all over his features. Michael met his gaze guiltily.

“Why not?”

“He was asleep, and I guess I just didn’t want to say it out loud. I didn’t want to give the news to someone else when I didn’t believe it myself.” Michael shrugged and looked down at the cracked tile floor.

“I can understand that. But it happened, and we have to tell everyone soon,” Brian said softly, as if it was the last thing he wanted to do. It probably was. Michael sighed and slumped down in the chair.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Brian nodded, letting Gus’s gentle breathing soothe him. 

Brian didn’t know how much time had passed, but Michael had gone for coffee three times and Brian had guzzled down each glass of the murky liquid. The sun started to rise, rays of pink and orange spilling into the hospital waiting room. He looked over at Michael, who was staring forward, eyes sad and dark.

“Hey Mikey?” Brian asked. The shorter man looked over at him tiredly. “Will you hold Gus for a second. I need a cigarette.” Michael nodded and Brian transferred the sleeping bundle to Michael’s safe arms. He kissed Michael softly on the forehead and slipped out to the alcove that he used to tell Gus the bad news.

The morning breeze whipped his skin, stinging him. He began to pace along the cement as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jeans. He took one of them and placed it between his lips. He lit it and took a deep drag, feeling the cigarette smoke burn it’s way down into his lungs. He blew the smoke out into the morning sky, feeling a little more relaxed.

He watched the hues of orange, pink, and purple paint the sky. It was beautiful. Brian took another deep drag, holding the smoke in his lungs until it burned and then blowing it out his nostrils. 

It was a new day. The first day of what would be his new life. Life without Melanie and Lindsay. Life filled with more sorrow and pain then before. He sighed and took another pull. The door creaked open behind him and Brian instantly straightened up, putting the façade in place. 

“Mr. Kinney?” Brian turned to see the same nurse from before looking at him timidly. He raised his eyebrows to acknowledge her. “Your friend told me I could find you out here.”

“Here I am. Is everything all right?” He took another pull from his smoke before stomping the butt out on the pavement.

“Mr. Taylor woke up. He’s asking for you.” Brian’s eyes widened.

“He’s asking for me?” The nurse nodded. Brian followed her back into the hospital. “Watch him for me, Mikey. Justin is awake.” Michael nodded and Brian continued following the nurse down corridors that stretched on forever, reeking of illness and death.

She stopped outside a door suddenly and Brian almost ran into her from behind. She turned and motioned towards the door before continuing down the hall. Brian stared at the door for a long time before taking a deep breath and pushing it open. 

He walked inside the small room apprehensively and looked towards the bed. He swallowed hard at the sight. Justin’s eyes were closed, looking sunken in and purple. His skin was frighteningly pale and his hair was matted to his face. The blankets came up to his waist, the rest of his body hidden by a blue hospital gown. The garment hung low around his neck, and Brian could see a large gash in his shoulder, mended with black thread. Strands of his honey blonde hair were tinged red with blood. Brian took a seat in the chair next to his bed.

Justin opened his heavy eyes and looked over at Brian’s worried face. The man really was beautiful, even under these harsh conditions. His eyes were dark with sorrow, lines firm around his frowning mouth. Justin sighed and sank back into the pillows.

“It really happened,” Justin muttered, his voice hoarse and raw. Brian looked up at him and raised an eyebrow in question. “I hoped when I opened my eyes I’d find out it was all just a nightmare.”

“Sorry, it’s a reality.” Brian locked eyes with Justin, almost losing himself in the pools of blue. Justin suddenly sat up, wincing from the pain. “What is it?”

“Where’s Gus? Is he ok? I can’t remember.” Brian felt his heart swell with respect and adoration for this man that cared so much for his little boy.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“You came and were talking to Gus.”

“Ok, well, Gus is fine. He’s with Michael out in the waiting room.” Justin visibly relaxed against the pillows.

“Did you tell Gus his moms were dead?” He looked over, noticed the way   
Brian cringed at the question.

“It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was so hard.” Justin watched as tears etched their way down Brian’s flushed cheeks and he felt his own eyes tear up as well. “He didn’t believe they weren’t coming back. I had to tell him he’d never see them again. The look on his face, his eyes. They were so sad. I couldn’t do anything about it. I had to hold him while he cried, kicked me, hit me. It was so hard.”

He was sobbing now, in front of this stranger. Justin lifted a weak hand and threaded it through Brian’s hair, acting on pure instinct. The brunet head shot up, causing Justin’s hand to slip down to his cheek. The blond wiped a tear away with the pad of his thumb. Brian took the smaller hand in his own and locked eyes with Justin.

“Are you ok?” He asked. Then he quickly shook his head. “Stupid question. Of course you aren’t ok. I mean, will you be ok?” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand and offered a low wattage smile.

“I’ll be alright, Brian. It’s just a shock. It’s hard.” The older man nodded.

“I know.”

“I’ve heard so much about you. About how wonderful you are.” Brian snorted and met Justin’s dim blue eyes, the hue softened by the pain.

“You must not have talked to Melanie often.” They shared a sad smile.

“Mel loved you, too.” Brian seemed a little surprised. It was then he realized he was still holding Justin’s hand. He didn’t let go. “I thought I’d meet you at some muncher brunch. I’m sorry it had to be like this. You sounded like someone I could really be friends with.”

“Hey, just because this happened doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” Justin smiled softly at Brian. “What have they told you about your condition?”

“They said my stitches will be in for about two weeks, and for that two weeks I’m confined to a bed,” Justin sighed. “That gives me two weeks to figure out what I’m going to do.”

“What do you mean?” Brian asked. Justin met his eyes sadly.

“I lived with Mel and Linds. I can’t live there now and I have no place else to go.” Brian unconsciously squeezed Justin’s hand tighter.

“Problem solved,” Brian said confidently. Justin scrunched his nose up in confusion.

“How?”

“Easy. You’re going to move into my loft with me and Gus.”


	6. Through the Rain

**AN:** Thanks to my girls for bugging me for a new chapter, and thanks to Kami for helping me work out the kinks.

* * *

“You want me to what?” Justin asked in disbelief. This man wanted him to move into his home with him and his son. He would love to stay with Gus, and he would love to become friends with this man, but he didn’t know if he could move in. It could be so awkward.

“Move in with us, at least until you get all better and get back on your feet.” Brian was very adamant about it. It didn’t look like he was going to take no for an answer.

“I don’t know. I would be such an inconvenience.” 

“Listen to me, Justin.” The younger man raised his eyes to meet stunning hazel ones. Brian took the smaller hand in both of his own and squeezed it. “You saved my son’s life, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. If you were invited into the homes of my family and were accepted by them, you’re good enough for me. I’m sure we’ll get along fine, and I know it would be good for Gus if you were there while he was adapting. And god knows I’ll need some help with him. So what do you say?”

“I say yes.” Justin smiled as Brian sighed with relief.

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael was stroking Gus’s head soothingly as he slept in his lap. He was watching the sunlight creep it’s way into the empty waiting room. He felt Gus’s body tense up and he clutched him just a little bit tighter until he relaxed again. He looked down, making sure the boy was still asleep. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he fished it out, seeing his home number on the display. He glanced around to make sure there was no hospital staff around and took a deep breath before answering.

“Hi Ben.” __

_“Hey Michael. Where are you?”_ Michael could hear the worry in his voice.

“Um, I’m at the hospital.” __

_“Why? What happened?”_ Now his voice was urgent. Michael let out a shuddering sigh as his eyes brimmed with tears again.

“Brian called me late last night. There was an accident. Mel, Linds, and Gus took Justin out for his birthday and on the way home there was an accident.” He paused and wiped his eyes. “They died. Melanie and Lindsay died.” __

_“Oh my god.”_

“My thoughts exactly. Brian called and I came. Gus is physically ok. He’s sleeping on my lap right now. I guess Justin got really messed up. He just woke up and Brian is in there with him. __

_“They’ve never even met before have they?”_

“No. But Justin saved Gus’s life, so Brian feels really protective over him I guess. I can’t believe they’re gone.” Michael let out another sob and Ben sighed. He knew he would have to be strong. __

_“Do you want me to come there?”_

“Yes please.” __

_“Allegheny?”_

“Yes.” __

_“I’ll be right there.”_

~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly male doctor entered the hospital room. Brian kept his grasp on Justin’s hand as they both looked up. The doctor smiled warmly at them before looking down at the chart in his hand.

“Hello Mr. Taylor. How are you feeling?”

“Ow,” Justin replied. The doctor chuckled slightly. “No, I’m alright. I’m just in a lot of pain from my waist up.”

“Well, with your injuries that’s to be expected. But I think you should be able to have a shot for the pain now. I’ll have a nurse come administer that for you.”

“Thank you,” Justin replied weakly, letting his head rest back on the pillow. “Can you just tell Brian here anything you need to tell me. I’m falling asleep and I can trust him to relay the information to me when I wake up.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Taylor.” Justin smiled at Brian before he let his eyelids slip closed. Brian stood up and released his hand. He smoothed the blond hair back away from his forehead before looking up at the doctor.

“Can I speak to you outside for a moment, Doctor?” The man nodded and he and Brian stepped outside of the room as Justin fell asleep. Once the door clicked shut, Brian looked at the doctor with a serious expression, the softness of his features were now chiseled.

“What can I do for you, Mr.?” 

“Kinney. I just wanted to know the full extent of Justin’s injuries.” The doctor noticed the worried expression on the man’s face and nodded. He looked down at the chart and read it carefully.

“Well it seems that Mr. Taylor received many serious lacerations to his abdomen and right shoulder. The muscles came severely close to being torn, but luckily they weren’t that deep. His right arm will be really weak for a while, but it should heal 100%. He hit his head, but there was no major head injury. He will make a full recovery as long as he takes it easy for awhile.”

“And how long will he have to be here?”

“He can actually be released in a few hours, granted he has someone to keep an eye on him. He needs to be released into someone’s care. He needs to stay in bed for a few days. His stitches will be removed in two weeks, and he should be as good as new within the month. I assume he’ll be released to you?” Brian nodded. 

“Will he scar?”

“There will most likely be minimal scarring. Despite the way the wounds were received, they weren’t all that jagged. I’m sure he’ll heal just fine. Well, he should be able to be released sometime around noon.”

“Thank you for your help, doctor.” Brian shook the man’s hand and then peeked through the window of Justin’s room, making sure he was asleep. He watched his chest rise and fall gently for a few minutes before turning to walk back to the waiting room.

Brian entered the waiting room and was surprised to see Ben sitting next to Michael with one arm around him. He walked up to the pair and gave them a weak smile. Ben stood up and gave Brian a quick hug.

“How is he?” Michael asked.

“He’ll be fine.” Michael and Ben let out a sigh of relief.

“Where is he going to stay? Surely he can’t stay at the house,” Ben asked.

“Yeah, he’s going to stay with me.” Both men looked up at him like he had gone insane. Brian shrugged. “At least until he’s fully healed and back on his feet. He’ll help me with Gus, too.”

“I suppose that’s a good idea,” Michael replied.

“Speaking of Gus, I need to go to Mel and Lindsay’s and get his stuff. And Justin’s.” Brian patted his pockets, feeling his keys in the pocket of his jeans. “Fuck!”

“What is it?”

“My car is still at the scene. I rode here in the ambulance. Fuck, they’ve probably towed it by now. Ben, can you take me to see if it’s still there?”

“Sure.” Brian smiled gratefully at the larger man. Ben leaned over and gave Michael a loving kiss. “You’ll be alright with him for awhile, right?”

“Of course,” Michael replied as he shifted Gus in his lap.

“Thank you,” Brian whispered. He hadn’t used that phrase so much in years. Brian and Ben walked in silence to his car and Brian slipped into the passenger seat. He sunk back in it and closed his eyes.

“Where is it?” Ben asked as he started the engine. Brian’s head snapped up and he looked confused, as if he had forgotten. He shook his head and sunk back into the seat.

“Bell Road. Do you know how to get there?” Ben nodded and pulled out of the parking lot. As Ben rounded the corner Brian sat up and felt his body tense up. He shut his eyes tight. “Is the car still there?”

Ben scanned the road until he spotted Brian’s Jeep up ahead. “Yeah, the Jeep is here.” Brian shook his head, obviously in fear. Ben’s eyes widened. He had never seen Brian so afraid.

“No. The other car. Mel’s car.” Ben scanned the road again.

“No, it isn’t here.” It was only then that Brian opened his eyes. Ben parked behind the Jeep and walked Brian up to it. He opened the door and turned back to Ben.

“Thank you. Um, could you go back to the hospital and wait with Mikey and Gus for just a little bit. I have to go get him a car seat.” Brian sighed and stared at a spot a little up the road, his face twisting up in pain. Ben put a comforting arm on his shoulder. 

“Of course, Brian.” He embraced the other man for a long time and Ben’s heart broke a little as he felt Brian shaking against him. Brian pulled away. It felt awkward to cry on his best friend’s partner’s shoulder, and he didn’t want to feel awkward right now. He gave Ben a weak smile and then shut the door to the Jeep. 

The smooth rumbling of the engine smoothed him. He felt the gentle vibrations underneath his thighs, against his back. The steering wheel shook in his already shaky fingers and he rested his forehead against it, wanting to feel the vibrations against every inch of his skin. That’s all he wanted to feel, that and nothing more.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

With a long, heavy sigh he pulled away from the car. At least it was still there, and he didn’t have to deal with going to the impound lot to retrieve it. He traveled down the road at a steady pace on autopilot until he found himself in front of the store Lindsay had always dragged him to for things for Gus.

He parked the Jeep and walked inside, keeping his head down as he walked to the back. So many memories came flooding back as he walked down the aisles, being smothered with pastel pink and blue. __

_“He needs a crib Brian,” Lindsay told him as she pulled him into the door._

_“Just put him in a drawer. He’ll be fine.” He gave Lindsay a smirk and then he ran his hand over her huge belly. Lindsay smiled at the light in his eyes._

_“Excited?” She asked._

_“You have no idea.”_

Brian wiped a stray tear from his eyes and picked out the safest, sturdiest, most expensive car seat he could find. As he was carrying it to the front, he saw a tall blonde woman with a very large stomach reaching for something up on a high shelf. Brian set the car seat down and went over to help her. The woman thanked him, big brown eyes sparkling. Brian swallowed the lump in his throat as she walked away. __

_“Brian help me. I can’t reach this.”_

_“What the fuck are you trying to reach?” Brian asked, walking over to his waddling friend._

_“That play mat up there.” Lindsay pointed, her protruding stomach pushing the items on the shelf back. Brian laughed and pushed her aside, pulling down the item. He looked over at the basket she was carrying, full of bright, ugly baby clothes._

_“They better have baby Armani,” Brian lamented while shaking his head. “I can’t believe you’re going to dress our son in that shit.”_

_“Our son will look absolutely adorable,” Lindsay admonished._

_“Yes, he will.” He smiled softly and gave her a loving kiss on the lips. “Promise me you won’t let Mel butch him up too badly.”_

_“I promise,” Lindsay laughed.”_

Brian couldn’t stand to be in that store for one more second. He wiped his face as well as he could and rushed up to the counter. The young woman gave him a sympathetic smile and he gave her a glare. She quickly rang up his purchase and he got out of that store as quickly as possible.

Once he was back out to the car, he tore the box open and pulled the car seat out of it. He got it all settled in the back of the Jeep, angry tears staining his cheeks. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He wasn’t supposed to raise Gus on his own. Lindsay wasn’t supposed to die. He wasn’t supposed to be alone.

He shoved the box into the backseat and got into the driver’s seat, slamming the door after him. He felt a whole new wave of tears spill from his aching eyes. He beat on the steering wheel, crying for his friend in broad daylight. Brian Kinney, crying for the world to see.

“You weren’t supposed to leave me Linds,” he whispered into thin air.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gus shifted on Michael’s lap and opened his sleepy eyes. He looked up, surprised to see Michael’s face instead of his father’s. He reached up and touched Michael’s cheek. He jumped at the sudden touch. He looked down and mustered a smile.

“Hey little man,” Michael whispered as he ruffled his hair.

“Where’s my daddy?” Gus asked, sitting up straight. He craned his neck to look all around the room, tears welling up in his eyes when he realized Brian was nowhere in sight. “Uncle Mikey?”

“Your dad went to go get his car so he could take you out of here. Don’t you want to leave?”

“No, because my mommies are somewheres, and I want to see them.” Michael winced at the little boy’s words. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t tell Gus he’d never see them again. Ben noticed Michael’s eyes spill over with tears and he reached his arms out to the small boy.

“Come here Gus,” Ben said softly. Gus hesitantly climbed into the man’s lap.

“Gus, you can’t see them,” Ben said weakly, tears shining in his eyes.

“Why not?”

“Because they’re gone, sweetheart.”

“No.” Gus shook his little head, tears slipping down his cheeks. “I want my daddy!”

“I’m right here sonny boy,” Brian said calmly as he entered the room. His actions betrayed his words because he was practically running towards the little boy. Once he reached him, Gus immediately launched himself into his father’s arms. He buried his face into Brian’s neck and the man felt himself start to lose it all over again.

“Are they really, _really_ gone daddy?” Brian kissed his temple and nodded. 

“I’m afraid so, sonny boy.” Gus looked up at him with wide, confused eyes.

“But why?”

“I was wondering that myself.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Justin stared out the window, studying the shapes of the clouds against a bright blue sky. His body felt numb, and so did his mind. A single tear slipped down his cheek. __

_“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Justin cried, wiping his cheeks. Lindsay and Melanie exchanged a look and nodded._

_“You can stay here, Justin.” He looked up at the blonde and smiled._

_“Really?”_

_“As long as you like,” Melanie added. “You can pay the rent in babysitting.” Justin nodded happily and launched himself into their arms, hugging them tight._

Justin heard the door to his room creak open and he quickly wiped his eyes with his left hand and looked over at the door. He was pleased to see Brian’s head pop in. 

“I’ve got someone that wants to see you,” Brian smiled.

“Is that so?” Justin asked. Gus’s head poked the door as well, a few feet below Brian’s. Justin laughed at the floating heads, one so much like the other.

“Jus’n?” Gus asked softly. Justin sat up a little.

“Come here baby boy.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Gus tore across the room and attempted to climb into the hospital bed. Justin tried to help, inwardly cursing his useless arms. Brian sensed his predicament and lifted Gus up onto the bed.

“Be careful. Justin hurts,” Brian warned.

“I thought the doctor people fixed Jus’n?”

“They did, but he’s still sore. Don’t touch his tummy, or that shoulder, ok?” Brian asked, pointing to Justin’s injured areas. Gus nodded and cuddled up under Justin’s left arm. The blond kissed the little head as Gus retreated back inside himself, closing himself off to the world.

“How do you feel?” Brian asked as he took the seat next to Justin’s bed.

“Sore, numb, woozy,” Justin replied. Brian sighed and ran his fingers through Justin’s hair, a temptation he found almost impossible to resist. “And I want a shower.”

“I don’t think you’ll be getting a regular shower for awhile,” Brian replied. Justin sighed. 

“These stitches are so ugly. I’m going to scar up.”

“Actually, I talked to the doctor and he doesn’t seem to think to think they’ll be that bad.”

“Oh? That’s good.” He sighed. “I don’t really give a shit about the scarring. I just don’t want to deal with the problem at hand, you know?”

“Oh, I know. It fucking sucks. But we’ll make it through. I know you don’t know me very well, but I want you to know I’m here for you.” The blond smiled at him and Brian returned it.

“Thank you. Did the doc happen to say when I could get out of here?” Brian’s smiled again.

“Actually, I just have to go to Mel and Linds’s and get some stuff, and I can come back to get you around noon.”

“That’s great. I really, really hate hospitals.” His eyes grew sadder then, and he shook his head, as if clearing away a bad memory. “Who have you told?”

“I called Michael, and he called Ben. They were both here but I sent them home. Michael said he’s going to tell Debbie, Vic, Emmett, and Ted. That leaves me to call both sets of parents.” Brian sighed, obviously dreading the task. Justin reached out and took his hand. Brian squeezed it, trying to draw strength.

“It’s going to be a busy day,” he muttered, leaning down to rest his forehead against the back of the younger man’s hand. Justin smiled sadly and cupped Brian’s cheek, rubbing his cheekbone with the pad of his thumb.

It was the most relaxed Brian had felt all morning.


	7. Through the Rain

Brian stared at the phone in his hand, then at the small piece of paper in his other hand. Two things so simple alone, but combined they were lethal.

Brian needed to call Lindsay’s parents.

He already had to tell his son his mothers were dead. Now he had to tell a mother her daughter was dead, too?

He was sitting on the sofa in the loft. Gus was sound asleep in Brian’s bed after he had finally gotten the boy to eat something. He pressed talk, and then end. Talk, end. Talk, end. Just fucking do it already.

Talk, dial. __

_“Hello?”_

“Hello, Mrs. Peterson?” __

_“Yes?”_

“This is Brian Kinney, Gus’ father?” __

_“Right. What can I do for you?”_ Her voice was so calm, so steady. She had no idea. Brian took a deep breath.

“I have some really bad news. Um, I…” His voice was breaking, and he was doing all he could to keep his tears at bay. Nothing should ever be this hard. __

_“What is it?”_ Now she sounded concerned.

“It’s Lindsay. There…there was an accident. She and Mel, they didn’t make it.” Brian closed his eyes. He heard a gasp. He heard the phone clatter to the floor. He let out a sob and then bit the back of his hand, his tears falling onto his palm. The room felt so cold, everything felt so cold. He heard the phone being picked back up. __

_“No. It can’t be. Please tell me it’s not true.”_ Oh god, please don’t cry.

“I wish it wasn’t, but it is. I’m so sorry.“ He sobbed with Lindsay’s mother for a long time, his tears staining the phone. She’s at Allegheny. I’ll take care of the funeral. I’m so sorry.” __

_“Ok Brian. I’ll be in touch.”_ His tears flowed harder. He heard a loud sob and then a click. Dial tone.

He allowed himself to cry for a few minutes, his entire body shaking. His head ached, his body begged him to sleep. But he couldn’t. Too much to do.

He flipped the piece of paper over in his hands and stared at the number, taunting him in black ink. 

Deep breath, talk, dial. __

_“Hello?”_

“Mrs. Marcus?”

~~~~~~~~~~

__  
“Gus, come back here!” Lindsay laughed, chasing her mini tornado through the park. Brian leaned against the trunk of a tree, watching with subdued awe. That little boy was his. He made that amazing little boy.

_“Daddy!” Gus cried, running up to Brian. He leapt up in the air and Brian had to lunge forward to catch him. He wished he could have that kind of trust in someone, and marveled over the fact that someone could have that much trust in him._

_“Hey Sonny Boy,” Brian told his son as he ruffled his hair._

_“Lub you, Daddy!” Gus jumped out of his father’s arms and ran towards the sandbox._

_“Love you too, Gus,” he whispered. Lindsay walked up and stood next to him. The wind whipped their hair and she looked over at him._

_“When do you leave?” She asked. Brian looked over at her and smiled._

_“Three days.”_

_“New York City, you must be excited. We’ll miss you.” Brian wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek._

_“I’ll miss you, too. But don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time after I get back.” Lindsay smiled and he kissed her softly before they turned to watch their son lose himself in a fantasy world._

Brian opened his eyes. His light sleep was effectively ruined. He hadn’t slept.

He didn’t think he’d ever sleep again.

He hoisted himself off of the couch with a groan and trudged slowly into his bedroom. His eyes softened when they landed on Gus’s sleeping form. The little boy was spread out, limbs stretching to all four corners of the bed. He crawled onto the bed and scooped the little boy up in his arms. He felt Gus cuddle up against him and his entire body relaxed. He concentrated on Gus’s deep breathing and the baby shampoo scent of his soft hair. With Gus in his arms, he could finally sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

The drugs were wearing off. He hurt. The pain was all over.

Justin felt a tear slip down his cheek as pain tore through his stomach, his shoulder, his heart.

With a slow, deliberate movement of his thumb, he pressed the call button at his side. He took deep, calming breaths as the nurse came in and gave him another shot. The medicine felt ice cold in his veins, before turning into something warm, something wonderful.

He tried really hard not to think of the two people he had just lost. He kept seeing Lindsay’s warm brown eyes, Melanie’s friendly smile. He tried not to think of the only time he was happy. It was taken from him just like everything else. God, he missed them. 

He felt guilty for trying to push them out of his mind. He let all the memories flood his vision as freely as his tears. He played out the tape in his head. Rewind. Stop. Play. Pause.

Never fast forward. The ending of that tape was a disaster.

He felt tear drops in the crease of his neck, but he didn’t have the strength to wipe them away. Blackness slowly ebbed its way into the montage of Mel and Linds. The tape was ripping, tearing, _disappearing_.

Once nothing was left but the blackness, Justin drifted into unconsciousness once more. While he was out, he couldn’t feel the throbbing ache in every inch of his body, especially his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

The phone wouldn’t stop ringing.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

_Ring._

Michael must have told them. 

He didn’t want them to call. He wanted to lay here with his son. He wanted to sleep. He wanted everything to go away. He watched Gus’s eyelids flutter with every ring of the phone. __

_Let the answering machine get it._

_“Brian, it’s Debbie. I just want to see if you’re ok. I know this must be hard. It is hard. I love you, kiddo. Call me if you need anything.”_ Click.

He could hear Debbie’s tears. It was like she had lost two daughters. A tear slipped down Brian’s cheek and he held Gus tighter.

Ring. __

_“Hey Brian, it’s Emmett. I just…wanted to say…sorry. I know that doesn’t really make up for anything, but I still wanted to say it. I hope you’re doing well. Call me if you need anything at all. I’m here for you._ Click.

He had never heard Emmett sound so somber. Everyone was in mourning. Everything felt so heavy. He knew he had a friend in Emmett. He’s always liked Emmett. 

Ring. __

_“Hey Bri, it’s Michael. I just wanted to make sure you guys made it home ok. I told everyone. They all seemed to take it hard. That was so difficult. I wouldn’t be able to have the strength you do. Call me if you need anything. I’m here for you…always. I love you, Bri. Tell Gus uncle Mikey loves him, too. Later, Brian.”_ Click.

Michael. Brian was glad to have Michael. He’d missed all his friends so much while he was in New York. He couldn’t wait to get reacquainted over coffee at the diner and bumps at Babylon. Now it would be over obituaries and coffins.

His entire body felt so heavy. He just wanted to sleep…just sleep. He didn’t feel when he slept. He ran is hand over Gus’s cheek. He was glad he was sleeping so much. He didn’t want his little boy to feel this pain. He shouldn’t have to.

Please don’t ring anymore.

Ring. __

_“Mr. Kinney, this is Glenda Bernstein from Allegheny General hospital. I’m calling to you inform you that Justin Taylor has been signed over to your care. He will be ready to be released at 1 o’clock this afternoon. Thank you.”_ Click.

Justin. They would be living together. He would be taking care of him. Justin was something to be cherished, he could tell.

The digital clock on the nightstand read 10:47 a.m. He needed to go to their house and get things for the two of them. He didn’t want to be in that house ever again. Not without them. 

Within ten minutes, he was carrying a drowsy Gus through the loft door. The young boy held onto his father tightly, but didn’t utter a sound. The phone started ringing again. Brian ignored it and locked the loft door behind him.

Ring. __

_“Mr. Kinney, this is Nancy Peterson. I wanted to talk to you about Gus, and the situation with him. I could be out there to pick him up this evening, if that would work. I just want to get everything settled. Call me when you get this so we can discuss the arrangements. Thank you.”_ Click.

The silence in the loft was deafening.


	8. Through the Rain

**Author's Note** : _After numerous e-mails and death threats, I have finally updated. This story kicks my ass, emotionally. I hope you all love it. I will try to update more frequently. Thanks guys._

* * *

Justin stared blankly out of the hospital window as he was poked and prodded by various doctors. The sky was so blue. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was shining, making everything glitter and sparkle. Didn’t it know that they were dead? 

He wanted it to rain and storm and thunder. He wanted the weather to reflect what he felt in his heart. 

He wanted everything to be black.

He winced as the doctor checked his stitches. He shut his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat as he remembered the last time he was in a hospital. __

_He couldn’t stand to look at her, but he couldn’t look away. She was small, bloody, broken, and bruised. She couldn’t look that pale, could she? She looked like she was already gone. She didn’t move, no matter how much he begged, she wouldn’t wake up._

_Open your eyes, Daphne._

_He kept his hand flat against her bulging stomach as he cried freely. He didn’t notice the doctor walk in. He didn’t notice anything except that Daphne wouldn’t…open…her…eyes._

_“Mr. Taylor?”_

_No response. More tears._

_“Mr. Taylor?” Louder._

_Nothing._

_The doctor placed his hand on Justin’s shoulder. The blond looked up and saw all he needed to know in the doctor’s dark eyes._

_“Your baby…” he started, clutching his clipboard to his chest as if it would protect him._

_“Is gone…” Justin finished. He let his hand slide from Daphne’s stomach, feeling something die deep inside of him._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Sorry is bullshit. Did they catch him?”_

_“The man that hit her? Yes, he was taken into custody without a struggle.”_

_“How can someone drive drunk? How can you get behind the wheel like that? Daphne was just trying to walk home from work. She was just living her life. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Justin burst into tears again, leaving the doctor to awkwardly pat his shoulder and leave the room._

_Justin took Daphne’s hand in his and squeezed it, feeling the weak pulse beneath his fingertips._

_“I don’t know what I’ll do if you leave me too.”_

_Daphne died an hour later. Justin wouldn’t leave her side until dawn._

Justin sighed and turned his head away from the window. 

He had gone through enough to make him hate every beautiful day. He only liked it when it rained.

~~

Brian held onto his son’s hand as he unlocked the front door to Mel and Lindsey’s house. He took a deep breath before he took a step inside. Gus looked up at Brian, tears brimming his small hazel eyes. 

Brian shut the door and led Gus into the living room. He crouched down until he was eye to eye with his son. 

“Gus,” he started. The boy locked eyes with him, hanging on every word of his last remaining parent. “I need your help. Can you help me?”

“With what?”

“I need you to help me pack some things up. I need suitcases, and you need to gather up everything you want from your room, all the toys you really like, and all the clothes you really like. Just the stuff you really like. Then make a pile of it on your bed, ok?” Gus nodded and Brian watched him slowly climb the stairs, clutching to the banister with a shaky hand. 

It seemed like Gus wanted to be there even less than Brian did.

Brian stood up and looked around the house with sad, remembering eyes. Everywhere he looked was another memory, another needle in his heart. __

_“Brian! Look! Gus is walking!”_

_“Come to Daddy!”_

Brian slowly trudged up the stairs to help his son. He also needed to pack up Justin’s things. He wanted to get out of that house as soon as possible. He _needed_ to. 

Brian walked into Gus’ room and leaned against the doorframe, watching as he carefully placed his favorite toys in the center of his bed. The look on his face made it seem like he was grateful to have something else to concentrate on. 

“Gus?” The boy paused and looked up. “Where did Justin sleep?”

“Jus’n is going to stay with us?” Gus asked.

“Yes he is. So I need to get his stuff.”

“He sleeps in the room next to mine. He kept me awake some nights.” Brian looked puzzled and walked in the room.

“How?”

“He cries a lot. Almost every night. He would never tell me why he cried. He just said he got sad sometimes. I get sad sometimes too, but I never cry like Jus’n does.”

Brian nodded and ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to process this new information. If Justin had a hard life before, he was sure it just got much worse.

He left Gus to perform his task and retrieved a few suitcases from the garage. He left one in front of Gus’ door and walked into Justin’s room with the other. He opened it and laid it on the bed as he quickly packed Justin’s clothes. He didn’t have much. He leaned over and pulled open the drawer of the nightstand. He extracted its contents and set them on the bed. On top was a picture of Justin. Justin had his arms around a beautiful girl, a very pregnant beautiful girl. 

Brian furrowed his brow as he stared at the photo. Where was this girl now? Where was the baby?

Is this why Justin cried at night?

Brian set the photo aside and quickly started packing Justin’s clothes. He didn’t pay attention to colors, labels, or materials. He just packed it. It gave him something to do.

Fold neatly. Fold fast. Don’t…think…about… _it_.

“Daddy?” Brian jumped at the sound of Gus’ timid voice. He turned and faced his son. The confused and apprehensive look on his small features made Brian’s stomach tighten.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?” Brian gulped. He had a bad feeling about this question. He sat down on the side of Justin’s bed and motioned Gus towards him. He picked the small boy up and placed him on his lap.

“What is it?” Brian asked, his voice cracking.

“You said the doctors fixed Jus’n, right?” Gus asked, tugging on the hem of his shirt. 

“Yeah…”

“Well, if they fixed Jus’n, why couldn’t they fix my mommies too?”

“Um,” Brian replied, temporarily dumbstruck. He tried not to cry as he looked into his son’s eyes. He looked absolutely confused, heartbroken. “Because, Gus, your mommies were really badly broken. The doctors couldn’t fix them. Justin was just a little beaten up. They could put him all back together and make him all better.” Gus took a second to think over this information.

“Do you miss them, Daddy?” 

Is the sky blue?

“Yes, I miss them very much, and I always will.” Gus nodded and rested his forehead against Brian’s cheek.

“Me too, Daddy. Me too.”

~~

“Well Justin, are you ready to get out of here?” Dr. Williams asked as he walked into Justin’s room. The blond nodded. He was ready. More than ready. Very fucking ready.

“Is Brian here?” Justin asked. The older man was the only person he felt comfortable around, excluding Gus. All day as the doctors and nurses touched him, he wanted to kick and scream and tell them to get the fuck away, but he couldn’t. 

Now he just wanted to go…home?

He had no home, did he? Was Brian’s home his home now?

No, it was just another place to stay. He hadn’t had a home since Daphne died. He just had…places to stay.

“Jus’n!” Gus tore into the room and climbed up on Justin’s bed. He gave the blond a small hug, little hands carefully clinging to unmarked skin. Gus was very careful. He didn’t want to hurt Justin, not at all. The doctor excused himself and left the room.

“Your carriage awaits,” Brian joked as he pushed a wheelchair into his room. Justin smiled. He knew they were trying so hard to cheer him up and make him feel comfortable. He loved them for it. 

Brian walked over to the hospital bed, nodding towards Justin as a greeting. He picked Gus up and set him down next to the chair. 

“I brought some clothes up,” Brian said softly, holding up a small overnight bag. “Do you want me to get a nurse or someone to help you?”

“No,” Justin protested immediately. “I’m sick of them touching me. I can do it.” He sat up and Brian handed him the bag, biting his bottom lip. Justin sat up, wincing with every motion.

Brian understood pride, he understood how it felt to not want to let anyone help you with…anything.

“Do you want us to go outside?” Brian asked. Justin looked up at him and shook his head.

“No, it’s alright.” He took the pair of sweats from the bag and tried to lean forward to put them over his feet. The motion jarred his stomach and he cried out in pain. Brian grimaced and looked away. He would not help unless he asked.

Gus didn’t think the same.

“Jus’n!” He admonished, stepping up to the end of the blond’s bed. “Stop it.” He placed his hands on his hips and scowled at Justin, who looked shocked. “You are hurt. Let me and Daddy help you!”

Justin looked over at Brian, and they both let out a little laugh.

“I think you better listen to him,” Brian warned. Justin nodded. Brian walked over to Justin, unsure of what to do. Justin swung his legs around and Brian put his arm around his waist. Justin slipped his arm around the taller man’s shoulders and stood up, wincing and whimpering as his shoulder stretched. He clutched onto Brian as Gus took the sweats and kneeled at Justin’s feet. The boy carefully maneuvered each of his feet into the pants. Brian leaned down and pulled the pants up over Justin’s hips, being very careful of his stitches. They helped Justin with his shirt and they got him in the wheelchair.

“Can I sit on your lap?” Gus asked Justin. Brian shook his head.

“Justin is hurt, Gus.” The boy nodded sadly. Justin looked up at Brian and then back down at Gus.

“Gus, I’ll let you ride on my lap if you promise to be really careful and not touch my tummy, ok?” Gus nodded and Brian lifted him up and placed him on Justin’s knees. He got behind the chair and wheeled them right out of the hospital.

“C’mon boys,” Brian said softly. “Let’s go home.”


	9. Through the Rain

“Mrs. Peterson,” said Brian, more out of shock from seeing her waiting at his doorway than in actual greeting. She turned to face them, looking more like Lindsay then he cared to try to deal with right now. Her eyes widened when she saw Justin, looking so tired and frail in the wheelchair. He looked just as surprised to see her. Anger flashed through Justin’s soft blue eyes and Brian put his guard up.

“Justin,” Mrs. Peterson exclaimed, using the same tone of surprise that Brian had just used in his voice. Justin sat up straighter and held Gus tighter. The small boy turned around in Justin’s grasp and looked up at his grandmother with big eyes, his expression unchanging. 

“What are you doing here?” Brian asked, feeling his body grow tired. He wanted to get inside and black out until that evening, or next year.

“I came for Gus.”

With that statement, Brian wished he were a dog. Because then he could express his reaction to that statement and it would be okay, because he was a wild animal. The fur on his back would rise; he would bare his teeth, growl, snap, and bark.

He would lunge and rip her fucking throat out. 

But he wasn’t a dog. He was a man. So he clenched his teeth together and took a deep breath. He sensed the tension and anger rolling off of Justin in thick waves, and it only fueled him more. No one was taking his kid away from him. _No one._

“What do you mean, you came for Gus?” Brian asked through gritted teeth. He put his hand on Justin’s good shoulder and it grounded him. Well, kept him from knocking her down the elevator shaft, at least.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Justin’s harsh tone caught Brian by surprise. He looked down at the younger man, his blonde hair matted down by rainwater and blood. He was shaking; Brian could feel it in his fingertips. He squeezed gently and Justin’s eyes flicked up to look at him. His expression was grateful before his eyes changed and his gaze was redirected at Lindsay’s mother, hurtful, angry.

“Don’t take that tone with me young man,” the woman admonished, holding out her finger as if she were a grade school teacher scolding a young child.

“Answer the fucking question.” Justin took Gus’ smaller hand in his own, reassuring him without words that everything was okay, and that he wasn’t angry with him. Gus squeezed back; he understood. 

“I’ve come to collect Gus. I will not have my grandchild be raised by that man,” she yelled, casting her finger at Brian now. Justin wanted to break it off.

“Gus,” he said softly to the little boy. Brian was amazed at how quickly his tone could shift. “Will you go inside and watch television while your daddy and I talk to this lady, please?”

“Sure, Jus’n.” Gus carefully climbed off of his lap and Brian unlocked the loft door. The older man watched as he walked to the sofa, climbed on, and tuned the TV to a cartoon. Satisfied, he slid the door shut and took place beside Justin again.

“What exactly makes you think you can take Gus away from Brian?” Justin asked, raising one eyebrow. His tone was now eerily calm, so calm that Brian felt shivers run down his spine. 

“Gus can’t live here. He needs a stable home, with me. He is unfit to be a parent.” Brian’s heart sank even more. That couldn’t be true, could it?

“You’re an unfit human being. Your daughter _died_ last night,” Justin reminded her, his voice unsteady. Brian squeezed his shoulder again. Mrs. Peterson looked like Justin had slapped her in the face.

“I am perfectly aware of that, Justin.” She let her eyes scan the small landing and tugged on the collar of her coat.

“So why now? You lost a daughter. Gus lost his mothers. Not one, _two._ Brian lost his best friend, the mother of his child. That poor boy is going through hell and back, and now you want to yank him away from his father, who he loves, and place him in a strange environment and expect him to be okay? What the hell is wrong with you?” Brian felt his eyes tear up yet again.

“Gus is the only piece of Lindsay I have left,” she whined, trying to seem like the perfect parent.

“As of two months ago, you told Lindsay you didn’t want her or her son in your life. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I didn’t mean that,” she stammered unconvincingly.

“I think you did. You barely even acknowledged Gus’ existence. Then Lindsay needed you, she asked you for help, and you pushed both her and Gus away. Pushed them aside like they didn’t even matter.” Tears were welling up in Justin’s eyes now, but he didn’t care.

“I’m Gus’ grandmother,” she pushed. Justin wasn’t having any of it.

“And Brian is Gus’ _father_. Listen, Mrs. Peterson, I know you are in a lot of pain. I lost my daughter as well. Granted, she wasn’t even born yet, but it hurt like I had raised her my entire life. You aren’t the only one in pain.” Brian’s eyes locked on Justin in that instant. He had just confirmed his suspicions. Justin’s eyes went glassy and he slipped inside of himself as he thought about what he had lost back then and today.

“That just goes to show, fags aren’t meant to raise children. I tried to tell Lindsay that.” Brian’s eyes snapped up and in that moment he didn’t care, dog or not, he wanted to hurt her. He walked over to her, not stopping until he was right in her face. 

“Get the _fuck_ out of here!” Brian screamed, taking pleasure in watching her eyes widen in fear. “NOW! You will never take Gus away from us, never. Get away from me, you shriveled up old bitch.” Brian watched her with an intimidating gaze until she was standing in front of the lift, pushing the button to take her back to the ground level. 

With a grunt, Justin raised himself out of the wheelchair and hobbled over to the woman, pain etched in every step.

“The girls will have had a will. They would never leave Gus in your care,” he told her. “You will never get to see him grow, you will see the amazing man I know he will become. He is in the best of hands. I just hope Brian will allow me that privilege.” She lifted the gate and entered the lift. Justin slammed the gate down and gave her one more hateful gaze. “And I hope you go to hell.”

Once she was out of sight, Justin turned and slumped against the wall, panting with the pain he refused to show her. Brian hurried over and took him in his arms to steady him. He stared into Justin’s eyes with such gratitude that Justin had to smile.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you there to keep on saving the day,” Brian told him, only half joking. 

“You’d figure something out,” Justin replied. Their noses brushed together on accident, and then Brian did it again on purpose. They locked eyes for what seemed like days. Justin tilted his head upwards and Brian slowly lowered his lips until they came in contact with Justin’s. The kiss was soft, tender, fucking _beautiful_. 

Brian felt electricity run though his body as Justin sank against him with the intensity of it all. Brian softly lapped at Justin’s bottom lip before sliding his tongue between his lips briefly, feeling intoxicated by him. 

Brian was the one to break the kiss, panting against Justin’s lips while sliding the tip of his nose along the side of Justin’s. The younger man’s smile was radiant. Brian felt something wake up inside of him and kissed the blond again. 

With Justin, he didn’t feel like he was dying inside.

“Daddy?” Justin pulled away from Brian’s lips as the taller man tensed at the sound of his son’s voice. He turned slowly, both of them blushing like mad. They hadn’t heard the door slide open. Gus stood in the doorway, little hands on slim little hips. He wore Brian’s smirk like he invented it.

“Yes Gus?” Brian asked, clearing his throat.

“Why are you kissing my babysitter like that?” Gus asked, teasing them both. The raised eyebrow was a dead giveaway. He was a walking Xerox of Brian Kinney.

“Because I _like_ your babysitter,” Brian replied, tongue in cheek. Gus nodded thoughtfully. 

“You guys kiss like my mommies kissed. They looked at each other like there was nothing else in the whole wide world but them.” Brian swallowed hard and picked Gus up. He held him against his hip while he pushed Justin into the loft.

“Well, we’re going to go inside and lock the door. And for today, there will be no one in the whole wide world but the three of us.”

“I like that idea, Daddy.”

“Me too,” Justin agreed. Gus yawned, which resulted in a yawn from Justin. Brian nodded to himself.

“It’s nap time for you two.” He carried Gus up to the bedroom and playfully tossed him on the bed. He helped Justin up the stairs and into bed. He kissed them both on the forehead and started back down the stairs.

“Daddy wait!” Gus shouted. Brian immediately turned around, raising his eyebrows in response. “You nap too.” Brian’s eyes shifted to Justin, who nodded.

“Yeah, you nap too.” 

“Alright.” Brian crawled into the large bed on the other side of Gus. The three of them molded together. Brian absently stroked Gus’ hair as he stared unabashedly into Justin’s eyes. They held their gaze until they both drifted into unconsciousness, silently praising the small boy between them for bringing them together.


	10. Through the Rain

**AN:** _Sorry for the long wait guys. Enjoy and review! Here's a shout out to Kamalami, just because she's the best._

* * *

“Gus, can I please just help you?” Brian asked in an even tone. He closed his eyes against the headache he felt rapidly forming.

“Daddy, I am four years old. I can tie my own shoes.” Brian sighed and fiddled with his cufflinks nervously.

“Justin, are you okay in there?” Brian called towards the bedroom, where Justin was getting ready.

“Almost, but, um, could you help me with my shoes? It hurts to bend over that far.” His voice was strained and soft. Brian immediately stood up.

“Be right there,” the older man called. He looked from the bedroom and back to Gus. “Justin wants help with his shoes. It’s okay to ask for help. Can I please help?”

“ _DADDY!_ ” Gus screamed out in frustration, tears forming in his eyes. “I. Can. Do. It. _Myself_.” 

Brian bit his bottom lip against the swell of emotions swirling below his ribcage. Melanie and Lindsay’s joint funeral was in less than an hour. Gus had spent the morning slamming and banging around the loft. He refused help with anything, even getting on his suit. Brian didn’t know what to do. He wanted to slam and bang around and yell too, but he couldn’t. He was the adult.

Fucking false maturity.

Brian strode purposefully towards the bedroom and sighed when he caught sight of Justin’s mop of hair. Justin was a whole other matter in itself. There was that kiss.

That amazing kiss.

And then…nothing.

Neither of them mentioned the kiss. Neither of them hinted at it. Neither of them made another move.

But damn, they sure thought about it.

Their living arrangements were strange to say the least. Brian tried to give Justin and Gus his bed, but neither boy would allow it. They all slept nestled together, for warmth, comfort, security, whatever.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Brian asked, kneeling at the blond’s feet as he sat on the side of the bed. Justin nodded, and when he realized Brian was looking down at his feet, he shook off his dazed expression.

“Sure? No. But I know I need to be there.” Brian nodded and tied Justin’s shoes. He had healed nicely in the week that had passed since the accident. He refused to get anywhere near the wheelchair and the wound on his head was almost gone, leaving a patch of redbrown skin in its wake. Still, anyone could tell the pain he was in as he walked, wincing every time his shoulder moved. 

Brian often caught him twirling a pencil in his hand, being careful not to disturb his shoulder. He clutched the pencil so hard that Brian was surprised it didn’t melt into his skin and become a part of him.

Justin was so new and mysterious to him. He wanted to know everything, but he was afraid to ask anything. He didn’t know what would set him off, or upset him. He didn’t know what interested him. Art, if the almost constant pencil twirling was any indication. 

Brian closed his eyes and made plans to visit the art supply store the following day. He wanted to see Justin smile.

He helped Justin up and looked deep into his watery eyes, searching for the key that would open Justin up to him, unlock all his secrets, tell his story.

Brian kissed Justin on the forehead before he realized what he was doing. He felt Justin place a soft, apprehensive kiss against his jaw and he relaxed, pulling the smaller body toward him.

“How are we going to make it through today?” Justin asked, his words as shaky as Brian’s emotions.

“Just keep breathing I guess.” They both sighed against each other, breathing each other in as if it would make them stronger.

Brian kissed the bridge of Justin’s nose and softly pulled away as he heard Gus ascend the stairs.

“Daddy?” He sniffed, dragging his sleeve across his nose in a way that would usually make Brian cringe. Tears tracked their way down his red cheeks and he wiped them away. “Can you help me please? I can’t do it. Mommy always did it.”

Brian gulped and sat Gus on the side of the bed. He got down on his knees in his very expensive pants for the second time and pulled Gus’ shoelaces tight. “You just pull them like this, see?” He made two loops and held them up. “Then swoop them around like this, and pull them tight.” He did as he instructed as Gus looked on. “Loop, swoop, pull, okay?”

“Thank you, Daddy.” Another set of tears escaped his eyes and the little boy growled and furiously wiped them away.

“It’s okay to cry, Gus,” Brian told him. Gus sniffed and looked up at his father as he stood up. “You know that.”

“You never cry. I want to be tough like you.” Brian looked over at Justin, who gave him a sympathetic look. 

“I’m not tough, Gus.” Brian sat down on the bed and pulled his son into his lap. “Just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean I’m tough. I do cry, just not when anyone can see.”

“You see Gus,” Justin interjected. “Your daddy grew up being told it _wasn’t_ okay to cry, when actually it’s just fine. So crying doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you small…it makes you _human_.

“Okay, Jus’n.” Gus smiled weakly and wiped his eyes once more, nodding as if he had just decided something.

“Go get your coat on, Gus.” Brian watched his son leave the room before turning to Justin.

“How do you know how I grew up?” Brian asked, his eyes full of something like uncertainty. Justin smiled sadly. 

“Lindsay told me.” Brian raised his eyebrow. “It wasn’t like she just started telling me everything. We got to talking about it after I asked why Gus was so damn stubborn.”

_”He’s just like his father, you know,” Lindsay said wistfully as both blondes watched Gus stack blocks, tongue poking out of his lips in concentration. The blocks had to be just right, and if they weren’t, he would just start all over. “All stubbornness and determination.”_

_“Oh?” Justin asked. “What’s Brian like?”_

_“He’s a beautiful man on the outside. Even more beautiful on the inside. Not that he would ever admit it. He’s so closed off. He grew up in such a bad home. It wasn’t okay to be anything less than…perfect. I just wish he would find someone to help open him up.”_

_Justin nodded thoughtfully before handing Gus another block to add to his masterpiece._

“Okay guys, let’s go.”

**

Of course it would be raining on the day of their funeral. Why would he expect anything less?

Brian felt like he was trapped in a movie. He was wishing someone would just yell ‘cut’ so he would get the girls back and he could get on with his life. He swallowed the lump in his throat with the realization that this was, in fact, real life. No credits would roll after this.

Brian let his eyes scan the crowd of people, dressed all in hues of somber black and gloomy gray. Debbie’s hair stood out, of course. She was crying into Emmett’s chest as he held her, tears flowing from his own eyes. Michael wiped his eyes as Ben kept a strong, steady hand on his shoulder as he did his best to remain calm. Vic had his hands stuffed into his pockets, eyes trained on the ground. Ted clutched an umbrella, doing nothing to hide his grief. 

Brian held Gus tighter against him, his feet absently kicking his thighs. Gus’ eyes were locked on the coffins, tears flowing freely and silently. Justin leaned against Brian for support, and maybe comfort. Brian placed his hand on the small of Justin’s back.

_”When I die, I want a completely traditional funeral.” Lindsay punctuated her statement with a nod while Brian choked on his smoke._

_“That’s some pretty random shit, Linds.”_

_“I know, but I just wanted you to know.”_

_“When I die,” Brian replied, “scatter my ashes in the backroom of Babylon.” Lindsay laughed and Brian took another drag of his joint before passing it to her. “Now enough of this death shit. It’s fucking depressing.”_

_“Yeah,” Lindsay agreed._

_“Besides, you’ll never die. Wendy can’t leave Peter Pan.”_

The funeral came to a close and Gus wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck. He held him tight around the waist with one strong arm and took Justin’s hand. 

“Daddy, can we go home?” Gus asked, sniffing against Brian’s neck. The taller man looked over at Justin, who nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go home.”

**

Brian laid Gus down in the middle of his bed, freshly bathed and changed. The small boy fell back asleep instantly. Brian changed into a pair of jeans and a black tank before joining Justin on the sofa. The blond was staring into a tumbler of Beam. Brian poured himself one and clinked his glass against Justin’s.

The noise jarred the smaller man from his thoughts and he looked up at Brian and smiled sadly, acknowledging him.

“I’m so sick of funerals,” Justin muttered after a long comfortable silence. “I just went-“ he paused, swallowing back his tears. He set his glass down on the table and Brian did the same. “I just went to one. I buried my best friend and my daughter six months ago.” Brian was taken aback, but said nothing. He put his arm around the blond’s shoulders. “Well technically I buried my best friend. Abby hadn’t been born yet. But still.”

“I’m so sorry,” Brian mumbled. “Were you two…um?”

“Together?” Justin asked, looking up. “No. I suppose it happened pretty much the same way you and Lindsay had Gus. She wanted a kid. I wanted a kid. So…we made a kid.”

“What happened?” Brian asked, treading lightly.

“Drunk driver,” Justin replied shortly, looking down at his feet.

“Shit. I’m sorry,” Brian replied, rubbing the blonde’s back. Justin burst into tears and Brian felt tears of his own travel down his cheeks. He carefully pulled Justin into him and the blond cried into his neck. Brian leaned back as Justin calmed down. He rested the back of his head on the armrest of the sofa as Justin curled up on top of him, his breathing going from erratic to normal. Brian idly toyed with strands of his hair long after the blond had fallen asleep.

Brian yawned, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind.

“What a world,” he mumbled sleepily before drifting off, holding Justin tight against him.


End file.
